My parents have been influencing my diet, which means I've been eating. I've managed to maintain 61-62kg, so that's good. I now want to change that.
My goal is to get to 50kg. Black coffee, green tea, broths and soups, fruit, veg. One proper meal in the evening, bed by 10:30pm. Up at 7am. I smoke as well, so I should use that to my advantage. Hey, I never said I was going to be healthy!

Anna Friel, Ville Valo, Sienna Miller, and every bloody model in Vogue and i-D. If Sienna could get to a zero to play Edie Sedgwick, then I sure as Hell can do it, too!

xo

Current weight: 61kg/134lb
First goal weight: 55kg/121lb
Ultimate weight: 50kg/110lb.

I must/have to/need to/WILL get there. My boyfriend loves my body right now, but I'm not happy. I haven't been for years. I've wanted smaller thighs since I was eight years old. I had anorexia when I was 14/15 and have suffered from disordered eating since then - I'm nearly 20. I just want to be thin and happy. I want to go on holiday and not be the beached whale when I wear shorts or a bikini.
I'm lactose intolerant, but can't help binging on ice cream and chocolate. I did that the other day and now I'm really suffering from it. Cheese gives me bad acne. I know that I need to make my diet healthier regardless.
Fruit, veg, rice, pasta, fish, butter, green tea, black coffee.
Try to do 2km runs when I can. I might not today, because I feel so gross from my intolerance.

I absolutely adore Anna Friel and Ville Valo - they are my idols when it comes to this. And every model on the planet.

50kg by Christmas please? Would be bloody lovely.

xoxo

Why is it that everytime I hit 58/59, I binge and go up to 61/62? Fucking sucks. I need to get a grip. I'm going back to college tomorrow though, so I can go back to my routine. I mean, is 58 so much to ask? 900 calories per day. I'm adding cheese to my 'forbidden foods' list.

I'm starting to think that UEL might actually be a good place for me to apply to. I mean, they have such a great selection of courses. Plus they might help me more with finding a place to live - I smoke, so don't really want to be in halls.

Got a 'Happy Halloween' card from Warren. Seriously. Who sends Halloween cards?!? Oh well.

Let's get fashionable!
xoxo

Okay, here we go.
I split up with Warren. This time I was completely ready (no joke, I slept with Nick without guilty feelings...).
Um yeah, so he's completely out of my life. Kind of a shame, but there you have it. I'm over it and I feel great.
Dating Dan and he's brilliant. We can have a laugh and he's lovely to me. A complete nerd. It's great! We're a good match.
Got my lovely Dell laptop (HD, bluetooth et al) and it's shinyyyyy.
I'm experimenting with torrents at the moment - downloading the Alexandra Burke album right now.
I'm down to 60kg, 59 on a good day. I'm a size 10 and so happy! I want to be at 57-58 idealy. And look like Marilyn Monroe/Sophia Loren/Christina Hendricks. Curvy and slim and downright sexy. Dan is doing wonders for my confidence - he called me beautiful, perfect and flawless. He's definitely a keeper, isn't he!

Half term. Need to finish my film essay. Back to college on tuesday. Sushi with Dan next saturday, which should be nice :)

Foods I won't eat: chocolate (unless it's a drink), pasta (unless in tinned food), chips, fast food, pasties/slices, crisps, ice cream (sorbet & frozen yoghurt are allowed), double cream, sweets, bread with wheat/gluten
xoxo

The Jack Daniel's gig was insane. I still can't believe I saw Brett Anderson perform live! Crazy.

My weight has been bobbing around 59-60kg, which is good. I'm trying out a new sort of diet thing, which involves not eating past 7pm. Let's see how it goes. I've also ordered the David Kirsch NY Body workout DVD, which I'm looking forward to :) oh and I have my laptop now = distraction. 55kg here I come!

I need to phone college - ask if they have an examinations officer for my ELAT test. Also, I'll need a teacher's reference on my UCAS form. I don't see why they can't do that on time.

Breakfast - wholewheat english muffin, 1 tsp extra light philadelphia, 1 tsp salsa. 1 cup of chai (dash of soy milk).
Lunch will be an apple. Going for sushi later.

xo

Just been to Tesco. Bought some skin tablets and some Bio Oil. Two packs of beef jerky for Hannah. Bread for the parents. Oh and some chicken. Going to make low fat & lo-cal chicken soup. Once this episode of CSI is done, I'll start on the brownies :)

Uh, water has caffeine in it? I'm watching this episode and they had a box of Innoko water, which is 'naturally caffeine free'. Riiiight.

xo

I'm somewhere between 59 and 60 kilos right now. I'm wearing belts on the smallest hole - my work trousers keep on slipping! I feel fantastic :D
My aim is 51 kilos. That's about 8 stone, I think. I can't believe how easy this is and how much I used to over eat! I still come home, have some truffles. I go out for meals and have deep fried food. I had a caramel Kit Kat Chunky yesterday. I allow myself treats - I'd go crazy, otherwise! But I'm resetting my body. I'm not gorging on tubs of ice cream or bars and bars of chocolate any more. I'm proud of myself :)

I'm going to be getting a MacBook soon. Once my credit card arrives in the post, I'm going to order it on the internet. Once I find what my credit limit is, then I can decide whether to get a Pro or not. I probably won't, though. Just get a normal one and soup it up with software. 500GB hard drive? Oh heck yes!

Going to bake some brownies later, methinks. I have ingredients to use up. I'm downloading some films, too. Ciao Manhattan, Cheri. Happy times.

xo

I weighed myself this morning and I'm 60kg :D YAYYYY!! I'm happy about that!
Okay. Bringing back my laptop, waiting for my credit card to come in the post, then I'm buying myself a MacBook. Oh heck yes, this is going to be good :D

College starts on Wednesday. Film Studies, Cultural Studies and English Language. Suh-weeeeet. Should be good.
Oh and I watched Factory Girl and Breakfast At Tiffany's last night. I forgot how amazing those films are <3

Bye bye, PC. Hello awesome stuff :)

xo

5g pine nuts + 5g soya nuts = 57 calories. Cool :)
Apparently some woman lost 3 stone in 11 weeks and died. Mum phoned me up to tell me & I straight away guessed what diet she was on. I still haven't read the story. But yeah, no prizes for figuring out she was on the Lighter Life program. Duh.

Currently cooking pizza. Just had the nuts. Going to watch a movie now. Bladerunner? I think so! Well, once I finish my article for my blog, anyway. And start another one....sigh. There goes my free time :(

xo

Diet stuff in magazines and on the internet used to be wayyyy better back in the day. Remember when it was all about Mischa Barton and Kate Hudson, even Gwen Stefani, instead of Lisa Rinna? Yeesh.

I'm starting to keep track on my spending. I'll check my bank balance on the weekend - I've got some refunds going through, so it's all a bit confusing right now. But I don't think I've done too badly, really. Let's see...I've spent £264.96. The bulk of that was on my new phone. Then I'm going to be getting nearly £100 back. So yeah :D I'm happy. I hope I can get that credit card...
 
Breakfast was an apple (50 cals) and a hot choc (37 cals). Lunch will be a wholewheat english muffin (140 cals) with some low-fat philadelphia (33 cals) and organic tomato puree (14 cals), cooked pizza-style. Then I'm going to Yo! Sushi for dinner, which I think I'll keep vegan, tbh. Not too bad, all in all. Will probably have some green tea or Horlicks (35 cals) in the evening, so that's fine.

xo

Hot chocolate for breakfast today, seeing as I'm having enchiladas later. Gonna pop to the store and maybe buy myself some electronic kitchen scales and a rubber spatula.
Switched on my phone this morning and found I had a text from my boyfriend :D so that made me happy <3

Saturday: Jewish, Russian or Navajo? Too much choice!
I don't know if I should make chicken soup with latkes,or some sort of beef stroganoff, or churro lamb with flatbread. Though, I'm edging towards the soup... that's if I can find some matzo meal... yeah, right.

Might do alligator at some point, too. Cajun style. Yummy!

Just applied for the iPoints credit card, so that's pretty cool. College on Friday - induction/enrolment, plus I can pick up my NUS card (Y)

I was 10 stone 3. I'm now like 9 stone 6 or 7 at the moment, or something stupid. I need to lose a stone! Only like 6 kilos. It sounds so much better that way haha :) And you know what? I know I can do it. And I bloody well will. I'll be 8 stone 6 and I'm going to love it. I've already lost 2 inches from my waist - now it's 28 :D

xo

Pointless lj entries win :) i'm watchng CSI right now, then gonna have a shower and watcy Bladerunner. Hopefully.

Thinking of cooking fish with latkes on saturday. Red velvet cake? Hmm...

xo

Finally getting around yo watching Heroes!
Anyways, two egg whites, one yolk and a bit of extra-light philadelphia. Pretty darn good :)
I need to lose a stone. Thank goodness for lo-cal horlicks and hot chocolate. Tomorrow will be breakfast, maybe some veg, then dinner. Making enchiladas.

I miss my boyfriend. It's labor day, so I don't think I'll hear from him until tomorrow :(

xo

On my break at the moment. i'm so thirsty! i think it was those olives, although i'd changed the water. nevermind. i'm still really full. might have some tea or choc milk later. and i really need to get around to watchiny Bladerunner.

xo

I'm just under ten stone. wow. next stop, nine!

I'm still 61kg. So i guess being at 60 tomorrow is out of the question. Well, i could probably manage it, but it wouldn't be sustainable.
According to the 'Cook Yourself Thin' website, i could be a size 6 by the middle of November! I like the sound of that :)
Anyways, i want to be 50kg by then. I have a target weight and date. i'm going to start exercising again, once i start college. i'll fit it all in around my timetable.

xo

I'm well happy :) Managed to order myself some stevia extract! Finally. So I have to wait for that and my egg substitute now (Y).

This mattress is weird...

xo

Aww that thing on X Factor was so sweet :) mum was crying!
Today i had an apple, cup of tea, small black coffee, some brocolli and cauliflower from last night, and one and a bit enchiladas. Did a fair bit of walking, too. Reckon i can be at 60kg on monday?

Got a new phone yesterday :D samsung jet...it's so shiny and pretty! I love it.

college on friday; actually, i might phone up again and ask if i can enrol sooner to ensure i can do the courses i want to change to. then hopefully it'll be the London College of Fashion.

here's to the future, right? why am i so optimistic...?

xo